Harry Potter: How it should have been Book 1: The Philosopher's Stone
by judester30
Summary: This is basically Harry Potter the way I thought it should be like, in my way, starting with Book 1: The Philosopher's Stone. Some characters that survive may die, and some that die may be well and alive, anything can happen! As the series goes the rating may slide up so be aware of that and enjoy! This issue will have 17 chapters I'll upload them one at a time so be patient
1. The Boy Who Lived

Harry Potter: The way it should have been

Book 1: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived

Vernon and Petunia Dursley are proud to think they are the most perfect people on Privet Drive. The Dursleys also have a one year old son named Dudley. Vernon works at a drill company called Grunnings, while Petunia does housework. One day when Vernon is leaving for work, he thinks he sees a tabby cat reading a map. When he looks again, the cat is reading the street sign. He figures it is looking at the sign, not reading it. Later on in the day, he sees people in cloaks talking in hushed voices. When he's sitting in his office, a swarm of owls fly past his window, but he takes no notice because he's perfect.

On his break he went to the Baker's to get a bun, he saw a group of these cloaked figures. Even though they were speaking in hushed voices, he overheard some of their conversation: "The Potters and their son Harry." Vernon found this horrifying as the Potters were the family of Petunia's sister. Vernon and Petunia would be angry if people found out they were related to the disgusting Potters, as the Potters were in some way weird. When he left his work, he bumped into a very small man. The man told Vernon someone called You-Know-Who has been defeated and even Muggles like Vernon should be celebrating. Vernon did not know what a Muggle was and was offended that this small guy called him one.

That night, when Vernon went home, he asked Petunia if her sister had been in touch. She got angry and said no (what a bitch). On the news that night, the newsman said owls had been seen everywhere, and cloaked men and women (so there cloaked what's wrong with that and owls everywhere yeah it's just a coincidence). When the Dursleys went to bed, outside a long bearded man appeared out of nowhere. This man was also cloaked in a purple cloak. The man's name was Albus Dumbledore and he was a wizard and possibly a homosexual. He siphoned all of the light from the lamps with his Deluminator.

Dumbledore: "Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."

McGonagall: "Da fudge, how did you know I was here?"

Dumbledore: "My dear Professor, I've never such a strange cat it's bait that it's you."

McGonagall: "You'd be strange if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day."

Dumbledore: "Don't speak to me like that you bitch! Let's get going!"

McGonagall: Sorry (gosh)"

Dumbledore: "I heard that!"

They spoke about the death of the Lily (the slut) and James Potter, and how their son Harry luckily survived the attack. A motorbike with a gigantic man riding it lands in front of them. The half giant (whose name was Rubeus Hagrid) is carrying baby Harry Potter. He hands him to Dumbledore who leaves him on the doorstep of Number 4 Privet Drive, and leaves a letter to Vernon and Petunia. Everywhere in the world, wizards and witches would be raising their glasses about a toast (not really toast) to Harry Potter - The Boy Who Lived!


	2. The Vanishing Glass

It had almost been ten years since The Dursley's had awoken to find Harry Potter lying on their doorstep. They're were just like what the hell? Privet Drive and the Dursley's house had not changed since the day Harry was found there (surprising eh). The only difference was there were pictures of Dudley Dursley aging. There was no sign that Harry was there. However, in the Cupboard under the stairs, Harry was there but asleep. Aunt Petunia came to his door and woke him up with a abusive voice.

Harry was trying to think about the strange dream he had been having. It was about a flying broomstick and a flying motorcycle, and Harry thought he had had the same one before. Aunt Petunia told him to make the bacon, as she wanted everything special for Dudley's eleventh birthday. Harry got dressed and went into the kitchen where the table was covered in Dudley's presents. Harry thought that because he lived in a cupboard, he was small and skinny. All he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's. He had jet black hair, and green eyes. His glasses were held together by sellotape because Dudley smashed them so many times. The thing that distinguished Harry the most was his lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. Harry had often wondered how he got it, and the Dursleys had told him it had been caused in the car crash that killed Harry's parents: Lily and James Potter. He had to leave it at that though because the Dursley's first rule was don't ask questions because we are perfect and superior. They thought of Harry Potter as weak and silly.

Dudley came in and began to count his enormous amount of presents as Harry squeezed the perfect bacon (one of a kind to the Dursley's) onto the table. Dudley went furious as he counted only thirty-seven, which was one less than the year before (Uh oh one less!). Aunt Petunia stated they were going to buy him two new great presents when they were out. Vernon Dursley told Aunt Petunia that Mrs. Figg, the next-door neighbor had broken her leg (she actually just wants Harry to go to the zoo because she feels bad for him), and can't take Harry when they go to the Zoo. They couldn't think of anyone perfect so Harry had to go with them.

Dudley was allowed to take a friend to the Zoo, and he chose his friend Piers Polkiss. Piers came to the house with his Mother. Half an hour later, Harry was in the car with Dudley, Piers, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. Harry explained he had a dream about motorbikes and how it was flying. Uncle Vernon snapped that motorbikes do not fly.

_**Harry: **_Let me just make something clear m'kay! I know that motorbikes can't fly!

Harry was thinking about all the strange things that had happened to him. He had once turned his teacher's wig blue, jumped onto the school chimney and grew all of his hair back after a haircut. He's had a tough life

At the zoo, Dudley and Piers found all of the animals boring (more like not perfect. yes Dudley's friends are perfect). Harry was left to watch a Boa constrictor as it slept. When Dudley tried to make it move by irritating it, it woke up but still didn't move, so he left the snake. The snake began to move. Harry was astonished. He spoke to the snake and found the snake understood.

_**Harry: **_Mum! Dad! Look! I can talk to snakes!

_**Petunia and Vernon and Dudley: **_SHUT UP HARRY!

_**Piers: **_I'm guessing he's troublesome?

_**Dudley: **_Yes, he will never part of the perfect family he's lucky we kept him.

Harry knew he couldn't convince them so he didn't talk about his mysterious power again.

Piers called Dudley and Uncle Vernon back to the snake. Dudley pushes Harry out of the way like a bully and presses his face against the glass (doesn't matter he's perfect right?). Harry becomes angry and somehow the glass Vanishes and Dudley falls in face first. Harry believes he hears the snake speak to him as it slithers away. Uncle Vernon believes it was Magic and blames Harry for it.


	3. The Letters from No One

Ever since the Boa Constrictor escaped from the haunted zoo, Uncle Vernon blamed it on Harry and he was locked in THE ASYLUM for the longest time ever. When Harry was allowed out, it was the beginning of the summer holidays (lucky for him). Even though they were not at school, Harry still couldn't escape Dudley and his Gang, who regularly visited the house and tortured him (literally). He usually wandered around Privet Drive with broken bones to escape from them. He was glad however, that Dudley and Piers were going to Smeltings Academy while Harry was going to Stonewall High.

One day, Harry was told to get the post for Uncle Vernon. He did as he was told, as if he did not, he would get whacked everywhere with Dudley's cane. As you can see the Dursley's are perfect to them but they have a dark side. Apparently, boys who went to Smeltings Academy were required to own a cane for beating and torturing people with and Dudley was practicing (practicing really? come on Dudley!) on Harry. When he went to get the mail, there were three letters: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister, Marjorie Dursley who was on holiday in the Isle of Mystery, a letter that looked like a bill, and a letter for Harry. Harry took the letter and studied the yellow parchment it was made of, and then read the address:

Mr. H. Potter

The Cupboard Under the Stairs

4, Privet Drive

Little Whinging

Surrey

**Harry: **A letter for me! What! I hope it's not hate mail.

Harry couldn't believe it. He had never had a letter to him in his life. On the back there was a wax seal with a Lion, Snake, Badger and Eagle surrounding a H. Harry returned to the kitchen and gave Uncle Vernon the two letters. He sat his fat ass down and started to open the letter. Uncle Vernon told everyone Aunt Marge was ill as she ate a funny whelk. Dudley saw that Harry had a letter and Uncle Vernon snatched it from him (what a bitch) and showed Aunt Petunia. Uncle Vernon told Harry and Dudley to get the fudge out, so they shut the door as they stood alone in the hall.

They fought over who would look through the keyhole (really?). Dudley won, so Harry looked through the space between the floor and the door. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were discussing the seal on the back. Uncle Vernon said they should just ignore because he's not perfect and we don't care. Later, when Harry was in his cupboard, Uncle Vernon came in and said he had burned the letter, and that they were moving him up to Dudley's second bedroom, which was used for toys.

**Harry: **Uncle! It could have been important!

**Vernon:** Don't you call me anything! I could put the asylum right now! So shut up!

Harry moved all of his things up to the bedroom, wishing he had his letter. Downstairs, another letter came and it was addressed to Harry, the smallest bedroom, so whoever was sending the letters knew he had moved to the bedroom. DUN DUN DUN.

The next morning, Harry sneaked down the stairs (agent 47 style) and approached the door. He was going to stay out there and when the post arrived, he would get and read his letter. When he went to the door, however, he stood on Uncle Vernon who had had the same idea. Every day, more letters appeared to Harry, and they were doubling in number. There were so many that Uncle Vernon nailed shut the perfect letter box. But they were cropping up in the strangest of places, under the door, even squeezed through the window. Aunt Petunia found some in the perfection egg case; then they got attacked by hundreds being fired out of the fireplace like a cannon. Uncle Vernon became angry and said they were leaving Privet Drive forever.

They had got into their car and left. They travelled miles, and kept doubling back trying to shake them off. They eventually stopped in front of a spooky hotel on the brink of a big city. They were not successful, however, as more letters came for Harry to the hotel (gosh they really don't like Harry). They left again and got a boat to an island with a small hut on it (wow they're persistent). Harry remembered that the next day would be his eleventh birthday, they probably won't get him anything and they can't. When they got there, they lay down to bed. Harry couldn't sleep with the crazy storm outside. He was counting down the time until his birthday. When his watch turned to twelve AM, at that precise moment, there was a loud knocking at the door. Something was wanting in and he was on time too.


	4. The Keeper of the Keys

There is another loud bang on the door and it somehow wakes Dudley up, thinking it is a bomb. Rubeus Hagrid enters the cabin. Uncle Vernon comes through with a rifle and Aunt Petunia with a sub machine gun. The door is blasted off its hinges and hits the floor. A giant enters and fixes the door into its frame. The giant asks for a cup of coffee then sits on the couch next to Dudley, he wasn't even scared. The giant turns his eyes to Harry.

**Hagrid: **Good evening Harry, I ain't seen you since you were just a little baby! You really do look like your ol' father but it's unlucky you have your mother's eyes I'll tell you why when your older.

**Vernon: **Get out of my house! Or… or I'll shoot!

The giant merely grabs the gun, ties into a knot and throws it away. Aunt Petunia drops her gun and Dudley, Vernon and Petunia throw their hands up. The giant presents Harry with a birthday cake.

**Harry in a dumbstruck voice: **Who… who are you?

**Hagrid: **Rubeus Hagrid, the Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

**Harry: **Hogwarts?

**Hagrid: **Don't you know what it is?

**Harry: **No.

Hagrid makes a fire and cooks some sausages. Hagrid is shocked that Harry knows nothing about Hogwarts. He gets angry at the Dursleys for not telling him anything about his parents world, his world. Harry has no idea what was going on. Hagrid tells Harry his parents were famous and that he was a wizard, despite Uncle Vernon forbidding him to. Hagrid gives Harry his letter that he has been craving for. It told him that he had been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, that term began on 1st September.

Hagrid took out parchment and a quill and wrote a letter to Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, explaining he had given Harry the letter.

**Vernon: **STOP IT HARRY! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HOGWARTS AND THAT'S FINAL!

**Hagrid: **Harry's a wizard, he has to go to Hogwarts and a Muggle like you can't stop him.

**Vernon: **Ok I'll admit, I always knew Harry was a wizard.

**Hagrid: **Harry, come and sit down

They sat down

**Hagrid:** There used to be a Dark Wizard name Lord Voldemort. He murdered your parents and tried to kill you too

**Harry: **I was just a baby! That's sick!

**Hagrid: **I know. The spell he used backfired and he disappeared and that's where you got yer scar. I took you from the house and brought you to your auntie and uncle. That's the real story.

**Vernon: **Don't believe him! He's just a stranger!

**Hagrid:** Stop with all the lies. Or I'll give you a good ol' thumpin'

**Harry: **I can't be a wizard. It's impossible but with all of this I must be.

Uncle Vernon makes the mistake of mocking Dumbledore and Hagrid swished the umbrella, in Dudley's direction, and Dudley sprouts a curly pig's tail. Hagrid asked Harry not to mention it at Hogwarts because Hagrid wasn't allowed to do magic, as he had been expelled. Hagrid takes off his coat and Harry sleeps under that for the night, for the big day ahead and the biggest part of Harry's life.


End file.
